Let it out - The Times Call for It

I feel like this is a time that needs to be documented. There won't be another time in life like this, where things are changing so rapidly and we can't squeeze enough out of ourselves to make an effect in the world. I feel helpless but at the same time exhilarated, like we are feeling the swell of another wave approaching. A wave that will hopefully deposit us a little bit higher up on the mountain.

Today I learned about 'White Solidarity' - I learned that my unease is a sign of my acute awareness of others. I have come so far, but there is an understanding now that feels like fresh air. Structural racism may get better with time but it is not acceptable right now. Our politics have made that abundantly clear. My unease is important for me to recognize and act on. 

I want to practice expressing myself, and what comes with that is practicing writing, practice being spontaneous and being ok with my spontaneity. Being ok with being wrong, being ok with having racist, sexist, offensive actions or words come from me. I am a product of my past, and I am also going to be a product of my present. I choose to let it come out, and to seek the knowledge that comes from reponses to me and my actions. I am going to express myself, with some careful self awareness.

My and I are trying to provide some normalcy to the kids. I'm not sure if I can keep this up. I am stretched and feel I need to do more. 

Noone seems impressed with my predictions for the COVID crisis. How this now becoming a local problem and that it is widespread in the red states, how it is going to tip the rural counties into understanding the tragedy of this disease. Pence is going to split with Trump, and this may lead to the next crisis. It makes me feel sick.

You 'Are'

Looking for a sign, something to keep me going when tragedy or the doldrums of life strikes.

Guess what you are the sign, you are the miracle. That you 'are' is an unfathomable miracle every moment.

A nice piece on John McCain, in twilight

http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/a13119478/the-last-detail/

Dream - Graceful Crash Landing

I am viewing/touring a city from above - a jet creeps along the skyline with a trailer like hitch hauling a glider with plenty of seating (2 seats wide) and a great view. I am in the one of the front seats of this convertible glider. As we pull in closer to the Salt Lake City Mormon Temple, the spire with the angel Moroni nudges and torques the hitch for a few seconds before it disentangles itself. A few seconds later our hitch to the towing jet has released us.

I remember a brief apathetic thought that 'We're going to die.' We have some rudimentary wings, and as we accelerate downward to the ground I know that we are heading west somehow - by GPS or my own orientation I am not sure. We are heading to the end of the land to the west by a great sea, is it California? There is a large granite arch with tidal waters at its base before and beyond it. We appear to be going down to the water at the base of the arch's entrance when I have a great idea that will clearly save us all. We must all lean back! Our glider rumbles to a stop on the soft earth just within the arch. I believe everyone is ok.

Help us go out of business Part 2

The creative destruction of our economy due to technologic advancement continues to provide many examples where the deconstruction of outdated products, protocols and habits of organizations is desired. Some for-profit companies have had notable success with a vision that perpetually shatters the status quo and leads them from one decaying business model to another one more adapted to the times. These companies are exceptions to the rule but could provide a model that could be adapted to philanthropy. Consider providing philanthropy in a way that has enough momentum to avoid the perverse incentive to maintain a benefactor/beneficiary relationship.

Help us go out of business Part I

Most businesses have a goal to maximize their market share, to maximize the need and desire for their products and/or services. The maximizing of profits as well as long term organizational and individual employee security depend implicitly on the business attaining this goal. Survival of the organization and the security of its employees are the basic premise of the businesses' profit-making goals.

In contrast, philanthropic and non-profit organizations often have mission statements that place prime priority on the provision of services and/or products that improve the quality of life, the effectiveness and efficiency of the its 'customers' - without mention of profit or market share. Many market driven businesses dabble in 'social responsibility' endeavors in parallel to their profit making in order to improve their image as a beneficial entity within the society. It is not only the tax exemption incentives that motivate organizations and individual people to provide not-profit services. Humanism is alive and well. But is it doing well enough? Philanthropic and non-profit organizations and their employees have a common implicit goal with profit driven businesses - that is the suvival of the organization and the security of it's employees. What if philanthropic and non-profit organizations had the same killer instinct as for-profit businesses i.e. to maximize market share?

The non-profit would then have as its mission to put itself and its employees out of business.

Limp

I don't remember his name. My was telling me that she had seem him in the clinic and that she had brought him with her to the hospital. He was waiting at radiology with another smaller child who had a high fever, cough and was breathing fast - concerning for a pneumonia. My planned to x-ray both kids, the smaller child to look for a pneumonia, and the other little guy because he wasn't moving his left arm. My ran the story by me, and something didn't sound right. There was no pain or sign of a broken bone that could damage a nerve causing the symptoms. He wasn't moving the arm at all she said, it just hung limp by his side. I wanted to exam him myself after hearing the story.

He was there sitting next to an adult who held a child with an IV - the child waiting for the chest x-ray. No parent of his own was around, I remember thinking that the six or seven year-old wasn't shy in the least as I walked right up to him. My told me his entire immediate family except his mother were killed in the quake. I started manipulating his arm and spine feeling for anything abnormal as he fidgeted uncomplaining. After a few minutes, I decided he wasn't faking it. I wasn't going to be able to convince him to move his left arm a budge, even with My translating commands for me or by pinching him on his arm. My said that he had been like this ever since the earthquake. In an attempt to determine the mechanism of the injury as a true sleuthing doctor, I asked him what exactly fell on him before he stopped moving his arm. Maybe the mechanism might help in coming to a diagnosis. My translated for me. I understand almost no Creole. I had studied a little bit with My for a few weeks before our trip. Yet, I understood the prompt and matter of fact one-word response he gave as his eyes wandered the radiology waiting room. I laughed out loud, because I didn't know what else to do. Why would I ask such a ridiculous question. I am still moved deeply by the humility and reality of his response.

'Kai' means house.