Let it out - The Times Call for It

I feel like this is a time that needs to be documented. There won't be another time in life like this, where things are changing so rapidly and we can't squeeze enough out of ourselves to make an effect in the world. I feel helpless but at the same time exhilarated, like we are feeling the swell of another wave approaching. A wave that will hopefully deposit us a little bit higher up on the mountain.

Today I learned about 'White Solidarity' - I learned that my unease is a sign of my acute awareness of others. I have come so far, but there is an understanding now that feels like fresh air. Structural racism may get better with time but it is not acceptable right now. Our politics have made that abundantly clear. My unease is important for me to recognize and act on. 

I want to practice expressing myself, and what comes with that is practicing writing, practice being spontaneous and being ok with my spontaneity. Being ok with being wrong, being ok with having racist, sexist, offensive actions or words come from me. I am a product of my past, and I am also going to be a product of my present. I choose to let it come out, and to seek the knowledge that comes from reponses to me and my actions. I am going to express myself, with some careful self awareness.

My and I are trying to provide some normalcy to the kids. I'm not sure if I can keep this up. I am stretched and feel I need to do more. 

Noone seems impressed with my predictions for the COVID crisis. How this now becoming a local problem and that it is widespread in the red states, how it is going to tip the rural counties into understanding the tragedy of this disease. Pence is going to split with Trump, and this may lead to the next crisis. It makes me feel sick.